FEBRUARY 9, 2009

The Dating Game

Dating. The word alone conjures up some of the best of times and, perhaps, even some of the worst of times. As a whole, dating tends to get a bad rap - whether it’s first date awkwardness, unreturned phone calls, over-analysis, mixed signals, or unreciprocated affection, most people either laugh or let out a long sigh when pondering their own experiences with the dating game.  But, nonetheless, “the game” is fascinating, which is most likely why the newly released movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You“ exceeded box office projections this weekend.  The movie, adapted from the New York Times bestseller of the same title (which sold over 2 million copies in 2004), provides audiences with a tough-love approach to the rules of dating.

Yes, I said “the rules.”  You can deny it all you want, but there are rules – some spoken, some unspoken - and just like everything else these days, the rules are changing faster and faster.  With over 30 million active users on online dating sites like eHarmony, Match.com, and Plentyoffish.com, it’s safe to say that the dating game has forever been transformed in recent years.  Email has become an acceptable means of asking someone out on a date, “hook ups” are becoming more popular than dating, breaking up through a text messaging is happening more often, and women are playing more of the “pursuer” role. So whether it’s technology or a shift in values, there’s no denying that many of the rules are drastically different than they were 20 years ago. 

Tamara Duricka is a NYC-based writer who turned 31 years old last month, and happens to be single. In a quest to “do something different” this year – she began a project she calls “31 dates in 31 days,” in which she dates 30 different men in 30 days, blogs about each one of them, and then chooses one of them to go out with her for her 31st date.  I like to think of it as ”The Bachelorette” meets “How to Lose a Guy in 10 days” meets “Sex in the City.

“Sex and the City” romanticized the single life in NYC - a place where every young woman is over-sexed and unattainably glamorous, spends thousands on designer shoes, and drinks cosmos every night of the week. Tamara’s site, on the other hand, does not reflect any sort of “big city” propaganda.  If anything, it presents a more traditional and simple approach, while still remaining fairly open-minded, particularly about whom she will date - friends, strangers, set-ups… all the types of encounters acceptable in the modern-day dating arena.  One of the most fascinating aspects of her project, though, is the balance of the new with the old. It is a very technological, transparent approach to dating, in that all privacy is stripped away and the audience is encouraged to participate in her adventures, yet her expectations and rules seem to revert back to a more chivalrous approach. Love. It.

Being single myself, I admit that the dating game isn’t always fun, but in a society that has created the term: “starter marriage,” where over 50% of marriages end in divorce, and one in five adults in monogamous relationships admit to cheating, I’m quite content with playing the game for a little while longer.  Perhaps I’ll even give Tamara’s approach a go; after all, I’ll be turning 31 in less than 6 months!